Tabularaza, a local band, was invited to play for my high school’s “Battle of the Bands”. I’ve never heard of them before then but my bandmates made sure I knew they were big shots. I don’t remember anymore what they played or how they sounded but I would never forget their big reputation.
It wouldn’t be until my college Psych 101 class that I would come across this word again. It’s Latin for “clean slate”. It resonated with my college student self who moved far from home to a place where no one knew me. Nobody knew me and I can build my persona from scratch.
I feel like everybody takes advantage of a new setting to put their best foot forward. I retell my stories about high school life a little bit grander and I become a little less geeky with every iteration of my persona. I remember deliberately wearing glasses to a job interview to seem smarter and ditching the glasses to a more sales oriented job interview.
But it wasn’t all “best foot forward” for me. I played with other’s perceptions of me a bit from time to time. Sometimes, I’d say things I don’t really mean and take stances I don’t really believe in. I usually make it sound almost absurd and just within the realm of believability. Like real life satire or trolling. I do it for different reasons. Sometimes, it’s to guide others to take a different stance. But, usually, it’s just out of boredom.
I don’t mind playing with my reputation. I don’t mind looking stupid either. This exercise however unhealthy it may seem helped me dissociate from the “me” everybody else saw. Don’t get me wrong, I’m me most of the time. I can’t imagine pretending to be someone else for long periods of time. It also usually doesn’t end well. Take a look at Elizabeth Holmes of Theranos and the fake socialite, Anna Delvy. Look them up if you don’t know them. Their stories are absurd.
The thing is, people who want to know you usually give more effort and have their perception of you based on facts they gathered from many interactions wtih you instead of mere second hand knowledge. Reputation is your image to people who don’t know you or don’t care to know about you. That’s why reputation is difficult to build yet easy to destroy. Clarifying a comment taken out of context or correcting a rumour is an uphill battle. It involves reaching out to people who never cared to know you. They’ve only heard of your reputation. They have no need to verify. The School of Life wrote a blog and made a video about reputation.
Extended travel period gives you a clean slate each new place you go. I’m traveling solo and nobody knows me in the places I’ll go. But this isn’t the time for new personas or bored trolling. Besides, we only truly get a clean slate as children. You can’t fabricate the experiences that made you who you are. As adults we have schemas about the world, about people and about society. Our world views were shaped by the many experiences growing up and they help us process the information around us efficiently but innacurately. So, no, I’m not taking a new “me” with me. “Me” me is coming whether I like it or not.
They say change is the only permanent thing in this world. But change is difficult. Our world views do such a good job at interpreting the world for us. We filter all the information through our lenses, rose-colored or otherwise. Our brain is quick to look for anecdotes to back up our views while ready to throw away incompatible information as one-off scenarios. And we’ve built these world view over our childhood.
Sometimes, travel doesn’t change people. It only gives them more information to build their world inside their minds. Sometimes, the well-traveled isn’t more open-minded. Would I be different? Honestly, I don’t know. But I’ve had some drastic changes to my world view this past two years. I think I’m in a good place.
Image by Ulrike Mai from Pixabay